Question:
My boyfriend does not want to have any more children (he has two from a previous marriage ages 8 & 5)…I have never had any children…I am struggling with will I ever be able to let go of this desire to be a Mom and be happy with this man who I want to have a future with or will I resent him for not being able to give me what I want?
Answer:
If you have a desire to be a biological mother, that is not something you can simply forget about. It is, after all, part of our physiological programming. I have a bias about this question and I will admit that. Here it is: if a man with children loves a woman who has not had any, and wants to share a life with her, he should give her the opportunity to be a biological parent herself. Just because he has his, it does not seem fair to deprive her of the same opportunity.
If something happens to him, the children will go to be with their mother, and you will be alone. If you stay together, and the relationship ends and you are past childbearing age, you will feel very sad about the missed opportunity.
I think for women who want children, having and raising them is one of the most joyful and fulfilling aspects of life. Your children grow into adults with whom you share your lifetime.
If your desire to have children would cause your boyfriend to move on, then I think that is what you should do, because he is more concerned with his own needs and desires than yours. You will be happiest with a man who takes your desires very seriously, and wants, more than anything, for you to have a happy and fulfilling life.
