A warm, loving, nurturing relationship is a healthy thing. In such a relationship there is laughter, connection, intimacy, communication and fun. These qualities can reduce stress, reduce anxiety and depression, improve quality of life. They cause the body to produce endorphins: hormones that make us feel good and even reduce pain.
If a good relationship can contribute to our health, what happens if the relationship is not good.? Of course, there are variations depending on how negative the relationship is, and how much involvement there is, whether it is a spouse or immediate family member, extended family, a boss or colleague or a neighbor.
A negative relationship creates stress. It may also result in depression, anxiety, feelings of anger, sadness, or loneliness. Here, rather than good chemicals, the body produces stress hormones. In fact, studies have shown that after an angry or upsetting episode, the immune system is suppressed for six to eight hours! If another incident happens, or even re-living it as we tell someone about it, then the immune system suppressed for a further six to eight hours.
It is clear that if our relationship with someone in our lives is conflicted, we could be in an almost constant state of immune system suppression. We may not experience effects of this right away, but over time we may be vulnerable to a variety of health issues.
We need to think of stress, negativity, anger and conflict as things that are toxic to our bodies. We would not breathe or ingest substances we knew to be toxic to our bodies. Similarly, we should also practice ecology in our emotional environment. If the situation or interactions cannot be changed to create a more
positive emotional climate, it may be time to make a move.
Some people realize they are in an unhealthy relationship, have tried to heal it, examined their part in all of it, and see it is unlikely to ever change. They can become stuck in a pattern of sharing with others all of the faults and misdeeds of the other, while doing little, if anything, to remove themselves from the situation.
Often it is fear of change that prevents them from taking steps to remove themselves from the bad situation. Some find a certain comfort is being “the victim.”
Let’s think of it like this. Imagine you are living in a house that has dangerous black mold in it. This is highly toxic. It is hard to imagine anyone acknowledging they know it is there, as well as how dangerous it is, and doing nothing about it.
Similarly imagine someone making a sizeable investment, watching it losing more and more every year, and continuing to put money into it. There comes a time when the pain of holding on becomes worse than the pain of letting go.
Just because one might have a high pain tolerance, that does not mean they should remain in painful situations.
Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young, All Rights Reserved. Contact us if you would like permission to reprint.
“The way we were treated as small children is the way we treat ourselves the rest of our lives: with cruelty or with tenderness and protection.”
We probably all, at one time or another (if not all the time) have difficulty motivating ourselves to complete some task or begin a project. Whether it is cleaning the basement or starting an exercise program, we may procrastinate for months, if not years.
Many who struggle with weight are sabotaged by emotional eating. They eat when they are happy, they eat when they are sad, and sometimes they just eat because eating feels good. It can be terribly difficult to break this habit because it is usually quite deep rooted.
All children fight. Isn’t that what we hear generation after generation? To my mind, there is only one reason children fight, and it is not because they are biologically wired to do so.
When we talk about children of divorce, we usually think in terms of children or teens. Most parents are concerned about the initial impact on their children, but once they are grown, it is easy to assume there are no more issues.
Everyone has had the experience of setting goals for themselves, or deciding to change old ways of being, only to find themselves slipping back. It is almost as though an inner battle is being staged between the part that wants to move forward, and a part that seems to be drawing one backwards.
Do you struggle with difficult relatives? Is there someone in your family who always manages to take a shot at you, or manages to find some way to put you down at every family gathering? Do you dread family functions because you start becoming anxious days before, and you just know you will be used for target practice yet again?
People lie for many reasons. Generally it is because they feel someone would be mad or upset with them if they knew the truth. What this means is that they betray the trust of another to protect themselves from the consequences of their behavior.
Do people in your life make you feel guilty when you don’t do what they want you to do? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells because you do not know how they will respond?