It is unrealistic to expect that differences will not come up when you are living with a partner or children. Sometimes things become heated, and words are said in anger. Hurt feelings and distancing can result—sometimes lasting for days. When communication does resume, it may result in another argument about the first argument.
If this process is repeated time and again, the relationship will begin to suffer. An ongoing argument about what the other person did wrong rarely gets anywhere. If you are angry because you feel you have been wronged, there is a good chance the other person feels the same way. Rather than making the other wrong, it is enough to state simply what you do not like: being yelled at, sworn at, put down or ignored.
The other person will likely counter with what he or she does not like about what you did or said. Allow this without defensiveness. Then suggest since you have both expressed what was important to each, that you both strive to remember that in future and then let the original argument go. Forget it. Do not file it in your memory bank to dredge up the next time there is a problem.
It is the argument you are letting go, not necessarily the issue. There still may be some work to do on it, but having let the argument go, you may both be able to approach the issue with more objectivity and less emotion.
Replaying the argument and analyzing it to pieces is like stepping into emotional quicksand. The more the two of you struggle with the issue, the deeper, and more stuck you become
Practice letting some things go, without being a martyr about your hurt feelings. This allows you to get back into being happy more quickly, instead of staying in the ring arguing about who is right.
Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young, All Rights Reserved. Contact us if you would like permission to reprint.
Related MP3s Available:
Thinking for Yourself (Empowerment for Youth)
Releasing Anger
My Special Friends (for Young Children)
Conflict Resolution in Relationships
Releasing Anxiety
