“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” ~Eric Hoffer
Many women have a hard time dealing with an angry partner, and justifiably so. What some men do not realize, is that when they lose their temper, they are frightening. They respond to this information by protesting that they would never hurt her and she knows that. Unfortunately, that knowledge does not help.
The reason humans have the ability to get angry has to do with the “fight or flight” response. In the face of danger, one has to be prepared to flee, or to fight. The adrenaline rush that comes with anger allows one to become ferocious, which is a good quality to have if you are fighting for your life.
On a basic biological level, when one senses anger in another, it triggers one’s own “fight or flight” response. The body/mind says “danger!” The heart races and the body tenses. The entire system becomes stressed.
This is not a pleasant state, physically or emotionally. It is a state associated with threat, or attack by an enemy. Humans, like all animals, are programmed to be wary of any possible threats. They keep their distance.
Even if her partner is venting at another driver, or yelling at the children, a woman will emotionally back away from him. She will not ever “just get used to it.” It will affect her ability to be intimate, even on the days when there are no angry outbursts.
She is not trying to be difficult or simply holding grudges . It’s biological. (Note: It is not just women who are affected by anger. A man with an angry spouse will have the same reactions, as will children around an angry parent. For information on obtaining my Releasing Anger CD, see below.)
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