Question:
Why is my husband so angry at me and the children? He blames me for everything that is wrong in his life or thinks it’s my fault he is not happy. He is verbally and emotionally abusive to me especially. I have to keep reminding myself that I am smart, kind, and loving. I don’t understand.
Answer:
What you are describing here is a man who is projecting his unhappiness onto you. He holds you responsible for his happiness, therefore, if he is not happy, it must be your fault. This is classic codependent behavior.
Several factors could be operating. He may be treating you the way his parents treated him, or each other. He may be suffering from stress or depression. It could be that he has built up resentments, and is unable to talk about them, so takes out his frustrations on you and the children.
An environment in which there is verbal and emotional abuse is not healthy for you or the children. You might begin by asking what makes him so angry, and letting him know how his behavior affects the family. If he will not talk about it, or becomes defensive, ask if he will go for counseling.
If he refuses that option, then you must go yourself. This is not a healthy situation, and you must not continue to allow yourself to be abused. Keep reminding yourself of your positive qualities, for it can be easy to doubt oneself in this kind of situation. There may be a tough road ahead for you as you find your strength, but it may be the most important thing you ever do.
