Increasingly, young adults are still living at home longer than in the past. This creates some dilemmas both for the parents and the adult child. Often boundaries become muddled, because there is still a parent-child relationship, only now all are adults.
Every situation is different, however some general guidelines always apply. Although this may be tough to swallow, when you are living in your parent’s home, your “adult” status in the outside world does not supercede your “child” status at home.
What this means is that it is their house and they can make the rules. If you want to make the rules, you have to get your own house. What you cannot do is to argue with them about how they want things to be in their own home.
Even if you are paying rent, it is likely less than you would pay to rent your own place, so your parents are, in effect, subsidizing you. The fact that you pay rent does not mean they cannot set the rules.
So if they want you in by a certain time so you are not waking them with your coming and going, you need to honor that. If they expect you to do certain chores, you need to contribute in that way as well. If you are working full time, it would be nice to contribute something to the grocery budget.
Remember too, now that you are an adult your parents should be free of parent-child conflicts. They have undoubtedly worked hard all their lives, and deserve to enjoy this time. If they have generously allowed you to stay on, be thankful, and strive to make their lives easier, not harder.
Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young, All Rights Reserved. Contact us if you would like permission to reprint.
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