A strong couple relationship requires honesty and openness. To feel an intimate connection with our partner, we need to really know him or her. Our partner cannot truly know us if we keep parts of ourselves, or our lives, hidden.
That is why open communication is so important—not only the functional communication required to make plans and to get things done, but also communication about our inner thoughts and feelings. We cannot be close if we do not reveal ourselves to each other.
One of the things that makes new relationships so satisfying is that, generally, the partners show a strong interest in sharing with each other. We are interested in getting to know the other, but also to express all of who we are. This exchange creates a strong bond.
That bond can be weakened however if, over time, one or both pull back from open, truthful sharing. If one is unhappy about something, but does not discuss it, distance is created. If lives become busy and talk becomes superficial, the intimate bond is not nurtured.
Finally, having secrets or aspects of life of which a partner is unaware is a serious threat to the integrity of the intimate connection. It represents cutting the partner out of a part of our lives, and is, in a sense, cheating. People may do this because they are afraid of what a partner’s response to the truth would be, or because they want to continue with a behavior which they know would be unacceptable to the partner.
Honesty is a relationship is like pregnancy—you either are, or you are not. If you want a strong, lasting, ever deepening relationship, you must choose full and complete honesty. If there is something you do not want your partner to know, it probably should not be happening. If you choose to continue, and to deceive, you are on a slippery slope.
You are dishonoring your mate, and even if he or she never finds out what you are hiding, the relationship will still be damaged.
Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young, All Rights Reserved. Contact us if you would like permission to reprint.
CDs You May be Interested In:
Trust and Fidelity
Conflict Resolution in Relationships
Codepenency and Projection
When Relationships Break Down