“This above all,–to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” ~ William Shakespeare
Are you in a relationship with a spouse or a friend where you feel you cannot express your true thoughts? Do you find yourself censoring your views because you are afraid the other will become upset or it will create a problem? Do you feel at times like you are walking on eggshells?
This is not a healthy situation because in this kind of relationship you cannot be, or express your true self. You have to talk and behave in ways that will be acceptable to the other. This can create distance in the relationship, and even resentment.
You may end up shutting down important parts of yourself, and this can lead to unhappiness or even depression. Alternatively, you may have others in your life with whom you can be yourself, and then your life becomes fragmented. It is like you are one person with those with whom you can be your true self, and another person for those you must not annoy.
Honesty is such an important part of intimate relationships, and if we cannot be honest, we cannot have true intimacy. The relationship itself becomes dishonest, because we are pretending to be someone different than who we really are.
If revealing who we really are will result in rejection from the other, then it is not really us they think they love, but rather the idea of who they think we are. Both parties collude in keeping this deception going.
We all deserve to be loved and accepted for who we are. If you are dancing to the beat of someone else’s drum, it may be time to stop, and take some time to decide just who it is you are, and how you want to be with that. You may decide that life is too short, and individuality to important to have to pretend.
Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young, All Rights Reserved. Contact us if you would like permission to reprint.
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