“Anger is only one letter short of danger.”~ Author Unknown
Sometimes, in the midst of an argument, one person will say he or she does not want to talk anymore. When they try to walk away, the other follows, continuing the argument. The more they insist they do not want to argue anymore the more the other pushes, following the first around the house, even yelling through a closed door.
When one wants to stop a discussion, it is either for temper control, or due to the realization that nothing positive will be accomplished at this time. They are trying to de-escalate the situation, while the other keeps escalating. One is throwing water on the fire, the other, gasoline. The gasoline usually wins out.
If one person has had enough of arguing, that should be respected. Arguing is not discussing, and it is not problem solving. If they do not want any more, continuing to try to make your point, criticizing or putting them down will make them even less interested in what you have to say. If you do this repeatedly, you will lose the respect of the other.
Unless it is an extremely urgent issue, let it go for at least twenty-four hours. When both of you are calm, and if you still need to talk about it, raise the issue gently. Be prepared to simply state your concern and the desired solution. Discuss solutions. There is a big difference between looking for solutions, and verbally beating someone up.
Verbally attacking another is a form of abuse, and when they walk away they are trying to protect themselves. The issue may be a shared concern, but anger is the problem of the one who is angry. It does not justify abusing another, and if this is happening repeatedly, it is time to get help.
Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young, All Rights Reserved. Contact us if you would like permission to reprint.
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