“Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you’re really strangers.” ~ Mary Tyler Moore
Are you in a relationship that is making you unhappy? All relationships will have occasional ups and downs, so I am not talking about the occasional rough spot. Rather, I am referring to the kind of relationship that is marked by struggle and dissention.
A relationship should be a source of nurturance and comfort. It should add to our life rather than detracting from it. Our partner should be someone with whom we can feel safe, and with whom we can share our deepest thoughts and feelings. He or she should be our best friend.
Often relationships start out that way, but over the years things gradually shift until the couple either find themselves to be outright enemies, or at least quite distant from one another. They find themselves living a life of conflict, or else lives of quiet desperation.
If this sounds familiar, and you want to save the relationship, then the old pattern has to change. Talk to each other, and discuss ways to make the relationship a happier place to be. Criticizing or judging each other will not take you forward. Focus on what you want to create, rather than the past.
If you cannot do this on your own, go for marriage counseling. You may just need help getting started. If the problems are long standing, or its hard to communicate, you may need to be in therapy for several months. This allows the time and guidance to firmly establish new, healthy patterns.
If you have already decided you do not want to be with this person anymore, then do something about it. Staying and making each other miserable does not serve anyone. Sometimes people stay longer than they should in unhappy situations because their childhood was unhappy and they are used to that. Others stay because they are afraid of change. If you do not want to be where you are, but do not know how to move on, then counseling can be helpful.
We have one life to live, and we owe it to ourselves to make it as good as possible.
Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young, All Rights Reserved. Contact us if you would like permission to reprint.
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