Are you frustrated with your spouse because he/she makes you angry? Do you wish your partner were different so that you would not have to get so angry and upset?
Partners can do things that are legitimately upsetting, like drinking too much, telling lies, being abusive, or making unilateral decisions. However, what I am talking about here are the small things—things that are annoying, but not necessarily reasons to call your lawyer.
These issues are the ones that can challenge us to look at our own judgments and reactions, and our ability to love unconditionally. No one is perfect, and it can be very easy to look at what we do not like about our partner, than to focus on all of his or her positive attributes.
Often it is our own agenda, expectations or ego issues that cause us to react negatively to those closest to us. That is why we say those who irritate us can be our best teachers. They cause us to look at why we react as we do.
Ego simply wants to blame the other person. We tell ourselves that if he/she did not act that way, I would be different. However, that is only our excuse for not being conscious and mature in our responses.
It is easy to be a wonderful person with our friends and colleagues, and when everything is going well. The real test though, is how we behave with those closest to us, when we are frustrated, disappointed or annoyed.
If we all focused on improving our own reactions and behaviours instead of pointing the finger at others, we would all be further ahead.
Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young, All Rights Reserved. Contact us if you would like permission to reprint.
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Creating the Ultimate Relationship
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