A reader recently asked a question about forgiveness. Sometimes we know intellectually that we need to forgive and move on, but we cannot seem to let go of the bitterness remaining after we have been hurt.
It is interesting to consider that the hurtful event is in the past. Assuming there is no repeat of the incident, we can ask ourselves why it keeps hurting. The answer we inevitably must come to is that we are continually reminding ourselves of, and reinforcing, the hurtful event and how wrong it all was.
In other words, we keep up an inner propaganda machine—a voice that continues to ‘bad mouth’ the ‘offender’, replaying the details of the ‘crime’. While initially it may have been another who hurt us, it is we ourselves who continue to twist the knife.
Consequently, if we want the suffering to stop, we have to make a conscious decision to let the issue go, and to stop thinking about it. We must decide that we are finished torturing ourselves, and to delete the memory from our ‘hard drives.’
Many of the hurts we have suffered, though real, were not the result of someone intentionally trying to cause us pain. We can ask ourselves how we would feel if we inadvertently offended someone, and knew they were playing the event over and over in their minds, months or even years after the incident.
Replaying the past is like paying interest on a debt for a vehicle which was totaled in an accident. It is a waste of our resources, and there is nothing to show for it.
Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young, All Rights Reserved. Contact us if you would like permission to reprint.
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Releasing Anger
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Healing Your Inner Child
Stop Worrying and Start Enjoying Life
Mood Therapy