Being Single

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“Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can still stand.” ~ Anonymous

Being single is not a bad thing. Often I hear people who are newly single, or never married, express the feeling that being single is not a good place to be. “I don’t want to be alone!” they say.

Sometimes being alone is exactly what they need. Being alone can be an important time to really get to know oneself. That can be a scary thing at first, especially if one is on his/her own for the first time. But life is uncertain; there are no guarantees about anything. If part of our initiation into true adulthood is learning to be happy and functional while alone, we would be much more able to cope if, down the road, we find ourselves unexpectedly alone.

The feeling of not wanting to be alone is often based in fear, and comes from our inner child who feels abandoned if no one is there. It is based on a belief that we need to have someone there to make us feel whole, complete or okay.

This is quite different from the one who has taken the time to know the self well, is content and fulfilled in life, can manage life capably, but would prefer to share life with another. This individual is free to choose carefully and wisely, choosing on the basis of compatibility and desired qualities, rather than on need.

It takes courage to take a time out and really learn to enjoy one’s own company. There is the fear that if we do not keep looking, we will be alone forever. Well, it may actually be better to be alone forever than to get into a relationship that blocks your own growth as an individual, requires a lot of struggle, stresses you out and affects your health.

In fact, if you get to know yourself and do some growing, you may have an expanded concept of the kind of person you want to be with. Often the reason we keep repeating old patterns and attracting the wrong people is because we have not taken the time to really understand , love and honor ourselves.

Time alone may turn out to be a wonderful experience once you get used to it, and you may just decide that you are your best companion ever. Being alone does not have to mean being lonely if you get out into the world. And you might just love coming home to your own, quiet space afterwards.

Copyright © Gwen Randall-Young, All Rights Reserved. Contact us if you would like permission to reprint.